Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
