He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
