Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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