absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
