I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
