somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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