i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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