How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
