we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
