omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
