If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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