I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
A+ Viking dick
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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