last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
