HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
