Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
