I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
