Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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