i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
