He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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