what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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