If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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