So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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