in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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