Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
