Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
