im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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