In the future we'll all be gay
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
