I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
