i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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