sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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