so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
try to milk me bitch
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize