so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
