I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
