i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize