Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
