If i come over, it means nothing
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
