Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
