Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
