Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
