His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
