We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
