Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
