my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
