Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
