Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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