Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
