My hair reeks of homosexuality.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
