yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize