I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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