we have pet lesbian snakes
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
