If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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