Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
