i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
