She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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