i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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