my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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