I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
