you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
