TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
