He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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