I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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