I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
