I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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