If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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