I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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