the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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