I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
