Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
