There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm at about main and main street
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
