Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
