I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize