he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
