I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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