I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Your penis caused this!
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