Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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