At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
