I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
