Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
