those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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