I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize